The Anti-Social Sleeper

Written by Lauren on. Posted in General

Now before anyone gets any ideas this post will not be getting kinky, my mother is my number one fan and there are things she just doesnt need to know!

Don’t get me wrong I like sharing a bed with the Hubby.  I love getting into bed and chatting about stuff especially if we have both spent the evening doing different things and I love waking up to a nice warm cuddle.  What I don’t like is the middle of the night shenanigans that make him worthy of an ASBO…….

Firstly it’s the sleep talking/grunting/moaning.  It only goes on long enough to properly wake me up and when I’m sat there asking him what the hell he is talking about he mumbles and rolls over.  Any conversation that I do get is usually about a computer game or football…..how riveting.

Then there is the sleep walking.  He just disappears out of bed.  When I ask him the next morning where he was he has no idea.  If he was popping to the toilet I would hear him so for now that still remains a mystery.

Next we have the bullying.  He decides he wants to sleep in a certain position and that I have to tailor mine to suit him.  Still fast asleep he will shove me around until he gets me where he wants me.  More often than not he will change his mind 5 minutes later and roll over huffing.  If I refuse to budge it leads to me being pushed out of bed or on the next point.

The hitting.  Now he’s not a violent man.  He likes to think he’s a hard man and comes out with “ooh if I had been there I’d have knocked him out” but in the 5 years that we have been married I have never seen him raise his fist to anyone.  Oh unless I am asleep.  Before anyone starts thinking “oh crap she needs to get out of this” it’s purely accidental.  He will roll over and a flailing arm will fly at me whacking me across the forehead, his elbow has made contact with my eye socket more times that I can remember and he kicks me about 5 times a night if he doesn’t want the duvet anymore.

What annoys me more than any of the above is the first sentence in the morning that comes out of his mouth – “Oh that was a rubbish night’s sleep!”

I suppose I should be grateful that he doesn’t snore like a freight train but please tell me I’m not alone!

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